Dear Rain,

There seems to be lots of stress and undercurrents of discontent at work. People are unhappy with decisions our boss is making or not making.  One colleague is talking to coworkers, like myself, weaving their version of a story, trying to enlist support for their way of thinking.  I am trying to be very careful about how I respond to them to not feed into it, but have found in my frustration I vent to other close colleagues and the cycle goes on.

I've tried saying I don't want to be put in the middle and that she needs to speak with our boss and those that her issues are with in person, not behind their backs.  What can I do to support my environment, but not get caught in the fray?

Dear Reader,

It sounds like mutiny is afoot and you are stuck on a boat at a stormy sea, trying to hold your own.  Not an easy ride for a non-pirate. 

However, you are right in asking this question, as the answer you seek is available to you… if you can follow yer heart.

From your question, I can hear that you care about your work, your boss, and the people you work with, including this one colleague who is creating some upheaval.  First give yourself a hug, for you are a caring person who wants to communicate openly and honestly with those around you. 

How can you work in a negative workplace from 9 to 5 and keep yourself centered and whole? 

First, you might want to let go of who is right and wrong.  Moving out of the logic in your head and move it down into your body where you won’t be able to think!  Yes, follow your heart and find the solution your brain forgot to tell you.

You see your brain is trying to solve the puzzle; who is right, who is wrong, who is playing fair, nice, mean, or underhanded.  Your brain is also trying to sort out the best strategies for you to take to create the situation you desire.  Categories are being created and each person and situation is stamped, labeled and put into respective files.  History is accounted for and risk assessments are made.  The amazing part is this all happens in a split second!

Sometimes, when it is a challenge to be with the people we spend the most time with, the best thing to do is to ask yourself, “Am I in my business, their business, or God’s/ universe’s business?” If you decide you are in someone else’s business, besides your own, acknowledge there is no decision for you to make to change what is outside of you.  However, you can make decisions about what is happening on the inside of you.

Allow your head to move into your heart and notice what feels right for you in the moment?  Is supporting both the colleague and the boss and your work environment possible if you aren’t sorting, labeling and categorizing?  What would that look like for you if you chose to allow what is, and let your heart speak it’s truth?

Our hearts speak our authentic voice and part of the practice of living authentically is learning to make honest decisions while honoring the other person in front of you.  It takes a kind and firm voice.  Your voice is without judgment, while you share your inner truth.

For example, your colleague is coming up to you and telling you all. She is gossiping about the same issues she has before and is trying to convince you to listen to her this time and take action.  Take a moment and notice what feels right to you.  Let’s say you decide that this doesn’t feel good.  However you also notice how unhappy she is. So you look to her with kind and firm love and say, “Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.  It seems you are really upset today.  You know, I do not feel good when we have these conversations.   I would prefer that you find someone who can help you, for I do not feel like I can.”  You might smile a honest, kind and loving smile at her and wait for a response. 

The next step is listening without judgment to the story and explanation of why she wants you to join in and help her.  You might respond, “Thank you for feeling like I am someone who can do something about this and I still feel like there is nothing I can or want to do to go into this further as it doesn’t feel right inside of me.  I truly feel it would not serve you or me to get further involved, which is why I would prefer for you to find someone who can be more of service to help you.” 

Your honest heartfelt answer is the only answer you have to share and she may need to hear it over and over.  That is okay.  Sometimes we all need to hear it many times as we process, sort and categorize what this new information means to our story in our head.

I am not saying this is going to be easy at first, yet with practice, you will love this new honest way of communication.  Follow your heart, check in with how you truly feel in the present moment and make sure to be kind and firm as you share your honest feelings with others.  You will find you are not taking on any feelings that frustrates you as well as keeping drama a step further away, each time.

If you weren’t born to be a pirate, then be glad for that.  Find gratitude as you watch the mutiny happening all around you.  With gratitude, you sing a happy tune as you continue to row the boat forward toward the destination.  Just remember all rough seas do end!  It won’t be long before you say, Land Ho!

smiles and inspiration!

Rain

You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her website:

www.CoachingwithRain.com

Copyright 2009 by Rain Fordyce