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Dear Rain,
Most
of the time, I am happy and doing really well with my life. My question is this, what do you do when life
seems to hit hard and all at once? For
instance, last week, out of nowhere I had a rush of negativity come at me and I
didn’t handle it very well. What can I
do to be more peaceful when life unexpectedly doesn’t feel that way?
Dear Reader,
Yes! Life can sneak
up on you with tremendous challenges!
The problem is not just that the challenges are hard, it’s the way we
feel about ourselves afterwards when we “lose our composure” that really leaves
us with bruises.
My first thought is to create an emergency plan. Have it ready so when life gets hard, you
have a plan to rely on that will help you deal with it gracefully. This is a successful way to deal with life
when you believe something negative might
happen in a known upcoming event,
such as a job interview, a date, visiting family, or talking to your
taxman. But let’s face it, who is going
to find a written plan, when in the moment unknown
challenges present themselves and before we know it, we are out of our happy
place?
My second thought is to simplify my first thought. There are three parts to any stressful
challenge:
The
first part: POW! The moment you acknowledge it is happening.
Panic. Temporary paralysis. Time stops.
The
second part: Lost! You are in the thick of it and are not sure how
you got there or if there is a way out.
Emotions flare. Survival mode
kicks in.
The
third part: Tally! You are out of it and looking back at yourself
in the thick of it of the second part, and you use the scoring system (similar
to that of gymnasts) to rate how you did. (7.8, 5.3, 1.5?)
Most people want to know how to deal with the second part
more peacefully so that they are not judged so harshly during the third part. The truth is, simplicity is the rule over all
the steps. It’s effortless! And with practice, it will become routine
with the many rapids you may encounter on your river journey of life.
The key is to relax.
This will help you on every part of this journey. Relax in the first part and the second two
may not happen. Relax in the second part
and the third may not happen. Relax in
the third and it is easy to move on with your journey.
But how do you relax?
Effortless Relaxing. This
is not a plan, but a way of life to practice as often as life allows for
it. Effortless Relaxing may come in the
form of:
Breathing
–
Stopping to take 3 slow and deep belly breaths can create a beautiful instant
relaxation feeling in your mind and body.
In through the nose and out through the mouth. Watch your resistance fade away as the oxygen
circulates through your body…
Awareness –
Where are you? Who are you talking to? What is your intention? What is their intention? What are you standing on? What sounds do you hear? Feel your heart. Acknowledge the here and now and you will recognize
the perfection of the moment, without worry or guilt from the past and future.
Surrender – Look
up to the heavens and tell the Universe you surrender with feeling! Better yet, put your arms upward and announce
your heartfelt decision. Let go of
control and surrender trying to understand anything. When you surrender, you feel the weight of
the world let go of you!
Silent Activity – Get moving. Tell everyone around you that you would
appreciate silence. Go for a walk alone,
clean a room of your house with the door locked, or weed your garden alone. Silent activity relieves pressure of the mind
and moves the energy into your body, so the clarity of your mind returns.
Once you are present and relaxed. Your decisions, if you actually have any to make, will be easier and you will have
more clarity to make them. It is normal
to have a survival mode, which loves to remind us that we do have an instinctive
and primitive animal in all of us. It is
okay. All humans understand this plight. You do not have to be perfect, you can simply
choose to practice something different.
As you practice acknowledging life outside of survival mode,
you will find yourself perfectly relaxed
in the here and now, even when negativity strikes!
Rain
You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her website:
Copyright 2009 by Rain Fordyce