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Dear Rain,
My first bout of depression came post-partum, after the birth of my second child. I don't think I've ever completely gotten OUT of the mild depression that's followed me around like a stalker for the last 5 years... things like my disc rupture, back surgery (and disc re-rupture) and dealing with dh's drinking (he's now more than 2 years sober, woo hoo!) has kept me down. Going on and off meds for depression helped (and hurt)... I know I feel better when I meditate, get outside, get exercise and such...but part of the funk is not being motivated to do any of those things! I can also tell I'm "out of sorts" when the condition of our home starts to spiral downwards... How can I make it through my depression?
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your honesty. I know it is not easy to talk about depression. Sometimes I think it is one of the reasons it is so rampant. No one wants to talk about it.
I do understand about depression...
I battled it since I was in 2nd grade.
But somewhere inside, at 8 years old, there was a voice. A voice of strength. I
remember having a super happy moment and my thought was, "If I can be
happy in this moment, why can't I try to have another one just like it?" I
made a bet with myself that I could find a way to be happy for a full hour! (It
may sound bleak, but the truth was, I was really deep into my depression) Working
towards my goal helped me through a lot of challenges I faced at home and at
school.
Yet, I continued to practice and practice until one day
around 8th grade, I did it! One whole hour of uninterrupted joy! YES!
I remember thinking... "If I can do that, I bet I can be happy for half
the day!" Again, I practiced and practiced. There wasn’t any kind of
perfection happening. I wasn't diligent
a lot of the time. I gave in to depression a lot of the time, but somewhere
inside I knew not to give up, and I just kept practicing. By the time of my summer after my sophomore
year, after spending months in the counselor’s office, I found a spark! I
shifted and I made my goal!
It wasn't until I left home where I found a whole day of joy and it wasn't
until I was 25 that I found a whole week! This was the beginning of my new
life. Now I live almost every day in
joy! I am still working on a whole
month, though my period always finds me a day or two!
I never did go on medication, though it was strongly suggested many times. How did I make it through? My belief I love to share with others is that, life is not about perfection. Don't beat yourself up just because you are sad. Acknowledge your sadness, and keep moving forward anyway!
This is important. I have worked with many depressed clients and I know one tool that always works. Keep Moving Forward! Let’s take the example of having depression and you are watching your house become messy and you feel like you have to clean it up. I know you don’t want to meditate. You don’t want to take a walk and you especially don’t see the worth in cleaning.
Okay, now is the time to say. “I am sad. It feels really bad and I don’t want to do anything. Now I am going to move my legs, walk over to the kitchen and pick up just one dish and put it in the dishwasher.” That small movement will help. I promise. Next acknowledge your sadness once again. Pick up just one dish and put that dish in the washer. No need to do ALL the dishes. No need to make any commitments. Just know that your only goal is to move forward… one step at a time.
Please understand I am not a counselor, I am not a doctor and I know nothing about how to cure depression. All I know is my experience of how to move through depression. Isn’t that the hardest part? Moving through it? Who ever told you that you can’t work and move toward your goals when you are sad and depressed? We tell ourselves all kinds of stories about depression. What story are you telling yourself? Is it no use? Is it no good? Is it permanent? Depression as big as it feels, is just a thought that turned into an emotion. Thoughts can’t hurt you. Only action and inaction can.
Write down what you want to achieve this week. Move forward toward your goals as slow as you wish, just keep moving. You might just find yourself too busy to remember your sadness. You might just find you don’t have to stop your life. You might just walk though it and find a little happiness on the other side. Plan for joy ahead on your path. Practice acknowledging the truth that joy is coming.
And when it does, Celebrate it! Live it, love it! Dance, Sing and Jump for JOY! Really have wild fun! The more you celebrate it authentically from spirit, the more often it will come, and the more practice you will get remembering yourself laughing in joy.
One day, you will be a natural at living your blissful trail... naturally.
smiles and inspiration!
Rain
You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her site -
Copyright 2008 by Rain Fordyce