AuthenticTimes.com

Quitting Your Job at the MSD

Dear Rain,

I share a future studio space with my beloved husband of umpteen years and he has insisted that it must be he that clears out this space. I purchased the containers for storing files & brick-a-brack and offered to help him weed out the stuff but he hasn't moved a muscle and is resenting the push I am now giving. I am at a loss... How do I motivate someone else toward action, who is so completely STUCK?

Dear Reader,

Motivating someone else? Hmm…. that is not an easy job. And it is a job. Are you sure you want to apply for it? If so, which job are you applying for? You might be hired for one of the following positions:

The Chipper Cheerleader (Hooray! It’s time to get out your pom-poms!)

The Mad Manager (Yes, you too can become the boss you’ve always hated!)

The Supportive Sweeper (Practice saying, “I understand… Um hmmm… It’s okay,” while you sweep your anger under the rug.)

I know, those jobs actually sound like a lot of fun, but there is a more effective way to take action where you don’t have to take on the job in the MSD (Motivational Support Division.)

Try this instead:

First, schedule a Meeting. Tell your husband you want to have a meeting with him about getting the studio clean. Let him choose the time for this meeting, from right now to next week. Don’t push it. Write this down on the calendar.

Second, make a Plan. When the time for your meeting comes, ask your husband what his goals for the studio are, then tell him what yours are. Write this down.

Third, pick a Deadline. Ask him how long it will take to get it his part done. Figure out long it will take for your part. Write this down.

Fourth, create Plan B. Ask him what he prefers to do if he doesn’t get it done by the agreed upon date. Make your suggestions. You could move all of his items into another part of the house, move them into the garage, or into a storage unit. Explain you will be following through on your goal to start working in your new clean studio by the date he sets. Tell him you are ready to have your studio in order. Again, write everything down.

Fifth, let it go. While you are waiting for the date to come, do not remind him, badger him, or make him feel bad, guilty or anxious if he is or is not moving forward. Just smile and repeat your mantra… Oh yeah, here is your mantra:

“I am not responsible for my husband’s choices. The room is going to be clean on.. (our agreed upon date.) All is well in the world.”

Repeat this mantra often in your head. Repeat it until the day comes. He might just come through! Of course, at that time, if he is not finished, go ahead and move forward with Plan B. Do not ask him, do not explain, just do it. You may need to have him play golf that day, go to the movies, or anything else that will give you a few hours to move forward with your plan. It may be worth it to have him out of the house. Also you might want to hire some help in advance, (you can always cancel later) if you need movers, truck or a storage unit.

This plan is fair, organized and documented. If you follow it, you are fair, gracious, and reasonable. I am not saying he won’t get angry or frustrated, if you have to resort to Plan B, which might not happen, if you allow him to work without stress. By allowing him to make most of the decisions about getting your project finished at the agreed upon time, you let go of the responsibility of making it happen. You can let go of the roles you may have been playing which created some resistance and you can throw away your application for the MSD! Hooray!

smiles and inspiration!

Rain